Perfect World
by nicecupoftea07
Summary: Sirius lays in his cell at Azkaban and thinks about life before. He remembers the birth of his godson and the death of his friends. Will these memories make or break him?


Ok I know I said that I normally write Lily/James fics, but I listened to this song and it reminded me so much Sirius that I had to write this.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters and since I am stating thus you can't sue me due to legal liabilities. Did that sound ok? taps on computer screen hello in there? Oh and the song belongs to Simple Plan.

**Perfect World**

**By Nicecupoftea1107**

**_I never could've seen this far_**

**_I never could've seen this coming_**

**_Seems like my world's falling apart_**

**_Yeah_**

As I lay on the dark cold stone floor, I wonder what I had done to deserve this. I had loved Peter as a brother…a best friend…and yet he saw it fit to destroy my life and the lives of his closest and dearest friends. When my brother Regulus died, Dumbledore had seen it fit to tell me, "Sirius, it does not do well to dwell on the past and forget to live." Maybe he was right…but how could this have happened? In my mind's eye I still see the evil smile that was pasted on Peter's face as he killed the innocent people to save his own skin. I can still here the screaming of innocent Muggles. In my mind's eye, I'm reliving the past.

i As I stood on the dias of the Great Hall of Hogwart's castle, I wondered if it's possible for any two people to be in love as much as my two best friends. Lily looked amazing as she walked down the center of the hall, white gown trailing behind her, her dark red hair done up and tucked carefully under a veil.

James had a smile on his face, and as he inclined his head to say something to me, his eyes stayed on her. "Isn't she beautiful Sirius?"

I turned to my friend and grinned back at him. "Yeah…you lucky bastard." /i

i Drip

Drip

Drip /i

Water dripped from ceiling onto the floor beside me. As I turned to look in the puddle that had accumulated on the floor, I wondered how in such a short period of time I could've aged so much. Long black hair was greasy and matted, face-gaunt, yellow and drawn. It was so different from before. I missed the old days. I lay back and remembered the day that my god-son was born.

_I sat on the hard seat at St. Mungo's maternity ward. James had called me in the middle of the night, freaking out and informing me that Lily was in labor. Remus and I sat right outside of her room, listening to her screams. Every time she let out an anguished wail, Remus and I would shoot each other a sympathetic glance and a wince. We sat there for several hours, just waiting._

_Finally, James walked out of the room, a huge grin on his face. "It's a boy!" Remus and I both popped out of our chairs, tackling our best friend._

_"James! You realize what this means don't you?" I said excitedly to him. "We can teach him how to play Quidditch…and give him the Marauder's Map…and give him your invisibility cloak…"_

_James shook his head in disbelief. "Sirius…the first thing your mind goes to is trouble making huh?" He gave me a small wink._

_"Of course. You teach him Quidditch, Remus will teach him how to be the intellect and I, of course will teach him how to handle the ladies." I couldn't help but smile as James gave a small snort of disbelief._

_"Fine…whatever Sirius. Come on, lets go meet him." Remus and I followed him into the hospital room where Lily lay, her rusty red hair damp from labor and curling slightly around her ears. In her arms lay a blue bundle. James walked up to one side of her and sat down next to her on the bed, pushing some hair away from her eyes and smiling down at his son._

_Lily smiled up at him, then turned to the other Marauders. "Hello boys. Come meet Harry."_

_I walked up to Lily's other side, Remus following right on my heels. I looked down at the blue bundle and noticed that he had a tuft of black hair poking out from the blanket. His eyes were closed lightly, he was sound asleep._

_"He's beautiful Lily." Remus smiled and nodded at her._

_"Thank you Remus."_

_I couldn't say anything. I was in awe. He looked exactly like James. He would make a perfect Marauder. "Can I hold him Lily?" I shot her my best puppy dog look, and she smiled at me._

_"Sure, Sirius. Just be careful not to wake him up. She careful transferred the small bundle into my arms, and I marveled at how small and light he was. I slid down into a chair by the bed and admired the light veins that played across his eyelids. He was gorgeous._

_James cleared his throat. "Sirius…Lily and I wanted to know…will you be Harry's god-father?"_

_I inhaled quickly. "Do you really want me to guys?" My eyes filled with tears._

_"Yes. If we didn't want you to we wouldn't have asked you. And of course, Remus is his back up god father in case anything happens to us and you." Lily smiled at Remus._

_"Thank you Lily."_

_"Then yes, I'll do it." I grinned down at the baby in my arms, and knew that he and I would be the best of friends, just like his father and I._

**_Why is everything so hard?_**

**_I don't think I can deal with the things you said_**

**_It just won't go away_**

**_In a perfect world_**

**_This could never happen_**

**_In a perfect world_**

**_You'd still be here_**

**_And it makes no sense_**

**_I could just pick up the pieces_**

**_But to you_**

**_This means nothing_**

**_Nothing at all_**

Nothing can erase the memory of that last day, nothing, especially the time when I found Lily and James. I knew something was wrong when my ring burst. In our school days, we-The Marauders- had gotten rings together. They were gold, with a black stone that changed colors to fit the other's mood. I always knew what was going on in my friend's lives, until the day it burst. The man at the shop at said that they would stay intact forever, that is until one of us died or was unfaithful. That's how I knew. That was the day, my world fell apart.

I_ was doing dishes, Meg, my girlfriend, was drying them. I reached into the soapy water, when I noticed a faint pink glow coming from the water. My ring had never glowed pink before and before I could wonder what was happening it burst into a million little shards, peppering my face with small shards of neon pink._

_I dropped the dish I was holding. "Fuck…Meg, I have to go." I ran out of the room as quickly as I could, striding into the living room, Meg hot on my heels._

_"Sirius, what just happened?" Meg's long blonde hair whipped around her face, her eyebrows knit together in worry._

_"I don't know." I placed both of my hands on her shoulders. "Meg…I think it would be best if you stayed here until I figure out what's going on. I'll be back shortly."_

_"Ok." She stood on tiptoes to kiss my lightly on my cheek. "Be safe, Sirius."_

_"I will be love, don't worry." I winked at her and grabbed the keys to my motorcycle. Just the week before I had charmed it to fly, and now I would be able to use it._

_I stuck the keys into the ignition and kicked the motorcycle to life. Clicking the invisibility button and then driving down the street, within seconds I was up in the air, negotiating my way above the busy streets of London. Just outside of London was Godric's Hollow, the ancestral home of Godric Gryffindor. I still remembered the day when Dumbledore loaned them that home…the home had been in Dumbledore's family for ages…Albus being the last remaining ancestor of Gryffindor. I dipped down to land at the house that I had been to many times before; when I realized that it wasn't there anymore._

_A large ruin lay before me as I landed on a patch of grass. Smoke poured from everything. Pieces of furniture were broken in half; pictures lay on the ground, their glass broken. I knelt down to pick up the picture of all of us on Lily and James' wedding day. The figures looked very disgruntled at having their glass broken, but I slid the picture out of the frame and shoved it into the pocket of the pants I was wearing._

_Wind blew, and rain began to fall. A lock of rusty red hair blew up from among the ruins, and I knew then, that my best friends were dead._

_It seemed to take forever for me to reach her, and when I did, I wished that I hadn't. I had never seen her look like this, dirt smudged her porcelain skin. She looked merely as if she was in a deep sleep. I grabbed her hand, and I knew by the coldness of her skin that she was long gone._

_"Oh God Lily…what have I done?" I pulled her up into a tight hug, "I'm sorry." I whispered into her ear…even though I knew that she would never again hear me…I prayed that she heard me from the afterlife._

_As I looked up, once again from her dead body, I saw the body of my childhood friend, the one who had saved me._

_"No…no….NO!" I let Lily fall to the ground and ran over to him. I pulled him into my lap. "James…please…you have to wake up. You're not dead…this is just another prank." I began to laugh maniacally. "Very funny James…you can stop now." I shook him. "JAMES! STOP IT! YOU'RE SCARING ME!" He had never done this to me before…never kept me waiting. Since the day he and I had met we had been best friends, and now he was gone._

_I sobbed into his shoulder, it was so hard to believe that James Potter would never play another game of Quidditch…never play another prank…never yell at me to leave his house and that I was taking over his job as Harry's father._

_"Oh James…" I looked at his face and noticed that his eyes were open, still staring at whatever had killed him. "James…" I shook him one last time for good measure. "James…I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen…I didn't mean for any of this to happen…I promise you I will make sure that Harry's ok…I'm here ok? I'm here." I clutched him to my chest, as tears poured like rain down my face._

**_I used to think that I was strong  
Until the day it all went wrong  
I think I need a miracle to make it through  
Yeah  
I pictured I could bring you back  
I pictured I could turn back time  
Cuz I can't let go  
I just can't find my way  
Yeah  
Without you I just can't find my way_**

I've always hated my family. Regulus was the only one I ever could stand, but he was always being bullied around by my mum, always doing whatever he was told. There were times when I believed he was spineless, and other times when I was sure he would stand up to her one day. I had been forced to play with my cousins Bellatrix, Narcissa and Andromeda when I was younger. I preferred Andromeda out of all my cousins, she was the nicest. All of the sisters looked different: Bellatrix had waist length black hair, heavy lidded eyes, black eyes, small thin lips, dark eyebrows, thick legs and torso, and always had an angry scowl on her face…unless she happened to be talking about the power she was going to have when she grew up. Narcissa had shoulder length bleach blonde hair, large blue eyes, skinny legs, knobble-knees, skinny arms and always had a look on her face as if there was a bit of filth under her nose. Andromeda on the other hand had short smoky brown hair, hazel eyes that always had a bit of humor in them, average weight, full lips and she was always smiling.

I lay on the flagged stone floor, my head now in the puddle of water that had accumulated. I remembered the day that Bellatrix showed up in my darkest hour.

_"Did you love him…ickle-Sirius?" My cousin's cold cruel voice filled the ruined area._

_"What are you doing here Bellatrix!" Anger clouded my vision as it narrowed down to her. She was dressed like a Death-Eater. Long black robes billowed out around her and her heavy lidded eyes were just visible under a hood like a dementor._

_"Well, I was hoping to see Pettigrew. His information was invaluable to us, no? What a helpful little rat. But now that I've found you here as well…you could be useful like your little friend." She stayed where she was, not moving._

_"Go away Bella." I leaned back, sitting on my heels, still clutching James to my chest._

_"Where is the boy Black?" She had her wand clutched in her hand, her knuckles white._

_"Whatever do you mean Bella?" I stood up quickly, realizing why she was here. "I said…Go away Bella, before I'm forced to do something drastic."_

_"Like what? Jelly-leg me?" She bared her teeth at me from underneath her hood._

_I pointed my wand at her, and shouted, "Avada Kedavra!" She rolled and missed the jet of green light that should have hit her._

_"You'll get yours Black," and with that she Disapparated._

_"Harry!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. He had to be around here somewhere. "Harry!"_

_I began to pull up pieces of furniture, praying that he hadn't been squished when the house had crumbled. I worked my way over towards Lily's body, and I was just about to give up when I heard a little gurgling noise, and spotted a small tuft of jet black hair._

_"Harry!" I bent down and picked him up, inspecting him all over to make sure he wasn't hurt. A lightning bolt shaped cut was in the very center of his forehead, but other than that he seemed to be fine. Green eyes sparkled at me from the blue blanket he was wrapped in, and small parts of his close-toed pajamas were singed._

_Loud footsteps were heard up the street, and I wondered if it was Him…The Dark Lord, coming back to finish his work. I crouched down in the rubble, pulling out my wand and clutching it in one hand, while holding onto Harry tightly with the other arm._

_A huge figure appeared and began sifting through the rubble. I recognized the figure immediately, and sprang up. "Hagrid!" I jogged over to the gamekeeper, and smiled at him._

_"Sirius!" Hagrid grinned at me._

_"What are you here for Hagrid?" I clutched the baby tighter to my chest._

_"Lookin' fer Harry, Dumbledore's orders."_

_"I'll take him Hagrid. I AM his god-father after all."_

_"No, Dumbledore's orders Sirius. Sorry."_

_I looked reluctantly at Hagrid. "Alright." I handed over the bundle to Hagrid. "At least let me lend you my motorcycle to take him."_

_"Alright." I handed the keys over to Hagrid and he climbed on the bike, kicked it into life, flying away._

_I watched him fly away, and knew that I had to find Pettigrew. I Apparated away, trying to figure out where he could be._

**_I don't know what I should do now  
I don't know where I should go  
I'm still here waiting for you  
I'm lost when you're not around  
I need to hold on to you  
I just can't let you go  
Yeah  
Yeah_**

_I stood on the Muggle street, staring at the small figure running from me. Rage over powered all of my senses. "Peter Pettigrew!" I shouted._

_The running figure stopped and turned, looking at me with an evil grin on his face. Soon, the evil grin was wiped from his face. "S-s-s-sirius!"_

_"Yes Peter. It's me." I pulled out my wand and took several steps closer to him. Soon, I had his back up against a wall, my wand pointed squarely against his chest._

_"S-s-sirius! My good friend! What did I ever do to you?" His rat like face was a simper._

_"You killed them Peter! You killed Lily and James! You were their friend and you betrayed them!" I prodded his chest with my wand in my rage._

_A wide evil grin broke out on his face, and for once in my life, I was frightened of my small friend._

_"I did no such thing Sirius…you did."_

_"What!"_

_"You heard me…you did." Peter's voice rose to a scream. "YOU KILLED THEM SIRIUS! HOW COULD YOU! THEY WERE YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU BETRAYED THEM!" And with that, he blew the entire street apart, killing 13 Muggles._

_As soon as this had happened, I knew what he was up to. He was laying the blame on me and running. I whipped around, long black hair hitting the side of my face as I turned…and saw a rat running away down an alley._

_"You are a rat Peter! I'll get you for this you rat!"_

And from that day on, I vowed to avenge my friends, and find Harry to protect him from Pettigrew. I wish things would've gone differently, but the truth is, I can't change the way things went.

**_In a perfect world  
This could never happen  
In a perfect world  
You'd still be here  
And it makes no sense  
I could just pick up the pieces  
But to you  
This means nothing  
Nothing at all  
Nothing, nothing at all  
Nothing at all_**

Horrible dreams haunted my sleep, still do. As I lay in Azkaban, imprisoned for a crime I didn't commit, I knew I still deserved to be there. I as good as killed Lily and James. I would get out of here, kill Pettigrew and save Harry. These thoughts were the only thing that sustained me. Life would never be the same.

Finis! Hope you enjoyed it!


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